does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
