Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
