it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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