guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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