yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
