he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
we're so committed to being not committed
Text me some of your sweat
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
