my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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