i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
