Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I need water and some morals
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
