Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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