i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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