I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
