Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
