2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
