I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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