We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Is Oprah even human
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
