my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
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