She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
