Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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