And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
