I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
