he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
