can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
