hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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