Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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