they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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