In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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