Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
