i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
