Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
