if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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