i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
