anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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