someone owes me an orgasm
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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