What did we do last night that was yellow?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
how does that bad decision feel?
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