I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i think i have herpe
just one?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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