dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
