Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
