Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
