I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
one might say we're banned from that church
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
