I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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