and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
As shirtless as possible
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
