They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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