My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
