My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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