Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
