i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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