my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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