Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
