It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
