i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
