I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
