so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
