Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
